MEAN, OLD, and FRENCH (no doubt)
One evening a rather stiff, grayish, raw-boned gentleman
and his pasty-faced, dumpy, little, disapproving wife
stopped in front of the desk and the following exchange
took place:
“Can we make arrangements for dinner in your restaurant
this evening?”
“Certainly, what time would you like?”
“Seven. The name is Wilson.”
“Thank you, Mr. Wilson; we shall see you at seven.”
That was the conversation in its entirety.
Ten minutes later I picked up the ringing phone and Mr.
Wilson is on the other end. He’s what we might call hoppin’
mad. He tells me boldly, he’s shouting actually, “My name is
Wilson and I want to cancel our reservation in your
restaurant!”
“OK,” I say calmly.
“I’m sorry I have to do this, because it looks like a good
restaurant.”
“OK,” I say.
He takes a deep breath and then blurts out, “And I want to
tell you why.”
“OK,” I say.
“Because,” he says, “frankly, I’ve never been treated with
such rudeness in all my life.”
He then slams down the phone (an act which no one on
earth would ever consider rude).
So, first a challenge and then a little story.
I admit confusion. What was the nature of the affront?
Clearly it was the kind of slight which can not, apparently,
be easily either forgiven or forgotten, but what exactly had
I done? It requires more imagination than I possess to
understand how my words could have offended this
gentleman so profoundly. Perhaps it’s the sort of thing that
can only be seen by others, from outside. Maybe I’m too
close to the matter to see it clearly.
That aside, here’s the challenge. I challenge anyone,
ANYONE —the greatest actor on earth—to deliver these
lines in such a manner that it would generate that id-
gentleman’s response. The lines are: “Certainly, what time
would you like?” and “Thank you, Mr. Wilson; we shall
see you at seven.”
As I recall it, I maintained my very best faux smile during
this brief exchange. Perhaps this he found offensive.
Perhaps there should have been more trembling on my
part, or greater joy, maybe something in between. He’d
never been treated with such rudeness in his entire life!
That imbecile must have been 60 years old, and had never
been treated with such rudeness in his entire life. Does that
mean he never once visited the Department of Motor
Vehicles, or never once set foot in a hospital emergency
room, or an auto parts store, or flagged a cab, or spoke to a
cop? Let me be clear on this. I was not rude to the guy.
However, I would really like to have a second shot at it.
Now, an excerpt from an old children’s bedtime story
suddenly springs to mind:
...And then the monster purred, ‘Certainly, what time would
you like?’ ‘Seven,’ the little girl stammered timidly and
hugged her teddy bear more tightly in her arms. Then the
great big French (no doubt) monster growled, ‘Thank you,
we shall see you then.’ With those cruel words she began to
trembled and shake all over. Who wouldn’t?
She trembled and shook all the way home.The outrageous
treatment she had received at the hands of that mean old,
French (no doubt) monster gnawed on her. She had
NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED in all her life!
That cruelty gnawed on her until the fundamental dignity
that dwells within us all filled her with a great righteousness.
AND she picked up the phone. AND she cancelled her
reservation. Better still, she told that mean old French (no
doubt) monster exactly why she was canceling.
It’s sad to say that the little girl’s cancellation had no effect
whatsoever on that mean old, French (no doubt) monster.
Sometimes the cruelty of this world is beyond all
understanding.
Sometimes what is perfectly clear to everyone else is
beyond my understanding.
A woman calls asking, “Do you have any rooms with 18th
Century antiques?”
“No,” I say, and for what I would consider a very good
reason: we don’t.
“None of your rooms have any 18th Century antiques?”
“No.”
She can hardly believe it.
“None of them?”
“No.”
“Not one?”
“No.”
“You don’t have even one room which has 18th Century
antiques?”
“No.”
“Well what do they have then?”
Here’s the challenge:
Answer that question in any way that will satisfy that woman.
Maybe you can. I couldn’t.
“Well thanks a LOT!” she says and hangs up.
I thought I detected a bit of sarcasm in the way she said it.