OFF THE TWITTER
(a genuine ‘merican tune)                                                                                  © R. Mansfield 2010

I got off the coffee
And I got off the beer
I got off of many things
I once held quite dear
So, when it comes to quittin’ things
There ain’t no better quitter
I got off the Facebook, man
But I can’t get off the Twitter

I got off the racetrack
Just drop those ponies cold
I got off pornography
My stash has all been sold (‘cept a few)
When it comes to breakin’ chains
I’m seldom ever bitter
I got off of the YouTube, dude
But I can’t get off the Twitter

I got off the cigarettes
And I got off the weed
I just turned my back on ‘em
And never felt the need
I got off the whiskey
Dropped it without a jitter
I’m thinkin’ bout droppin’ email too
But I can’t get off the Twitter

I got off the cell-phone
And I got off TV
Quite frankly, son, neither one
Ever meant that much to me
I got off the rare roast beef
And I’m feelin’ so much fitter
I got off the Google search
But I can’t get off the Twitter

I got me off of all that stuff           
But I can’t get off the Twitter
(I can drop damn near anything)
But I just can’t quit the Twitter
(So, don’t you dare ask me to do it, now.)