AN OPEN LETTER TO DONALD TRUMP,
| Presidential Candidate |
Mr. Trump, I am about to offer you some very good advice. Do something about your hair, man! The less time people spend fascinated by the wildly complex, multi-facetted assemblage on top of your head, the more time they’ll be able to focus on the words and thoughts coming out of your mouth. (Yes, we all see that you've made some progress along those lines, but it's not enough.) I offer you this advice because, even if I did find myself agreeing with some of the things you say, I can not—honestly—imagine voting for you. And it's all because of that hair. When I was fourteen, back in 1963, Billy Kelmer had a haircut like that, and he looked like a complete idiot. Of course Billy was 13 at the time, and he wasn't running for President. sincerely, Darryl Mockridge (If you need any more advice, please send me an email. darrylmockridge@yahoo.com) |
| 100% OF ALL PROFITS FROM THE SALE OF EARWIG WILL GO TO DARRYL MOCKRIDGE'S POOR DESERVING WIFE'S RELOCATION AND WELL-EARNED RETIREMENT FUND. |
| I've already offered you more RIGHT HERE |