WHY THEY ALL HATE US
from:
LOST IN THE  DIN: Why Your Opinion on Politics and Religion Means Nothing,
                         and mine means even less                   by Henry Edward Fool

With the world shrinking every texting moment, the question of why they hate us comes up more
frequently, and, more frequently, the same answer pops to the surface. They hate us because
we’re all trim, tanned, nicely-muscled, young, blonde, multi-millionaires named Trent, who, after
surfing all day, drive around smugly, with our perfect teeth on display, in our top-of-the-line silver
Porsche convertibles, with three or four bouncy blondes in short skirts clinging to us with
unquenchable desire aflame in their heaving, somewhat slightly-overblown breasts.

This is ridiculous of course; only about half the people I know are multi-millionaires, and only 730
of ‘em are named Trent.

Additionally, many of us prefer to drive a more discreet, understated vehicle, say one of our
black Bentleys, for the daily scoot to the local poker tournament, leaving the silver one for
special occasions, like picking up one of our babes at the clinic after her latest boob job. That’s
why they hate us though. Yeah, that must be it… that, and their own peculiar commitment to
living out their lives like savages in the dark ages.

But actually—and I think many of you are not going to like this—the reason they hate us is
probably because of our somewhat awkward way of selling them on the idea of Democracy, or
for you purists, the idea of “representative government”. What we usually do, while trying to sell
other peoples on the grand idea that democracy and liberty go hand in hand, is to prop up some
vicious, moronic, self-serving dictator, and pour billions (literally billions) of tax-acquired US
dollars into his private coffers on a regular basis to keep him and his family in place for years
and years and endless goddamned vicious, self-serving, oppressive years, while the nation’s
people quietly struggle to survive, or alternatively starve to death in the streets surrounding his
gold-trimmed royal palace.

Meanwhile, the commies—the bad guys—are going around sneakily whispering vile lies to the
struggling, starving masses, like, It doesn’t have to be this way, you know! and, Communism
CARES, and, Did you know that with the NEW IMPROVED Communism you no longer have to
wear a beard?

(What they don’t tell them of course, is that females are still expected to wear combat boots.)

El Salvador is just one example of how our approach doesn’t always really work out all that well.
(But throw a dart at a map if you don’t like that one.) In El Salvador we thought 14 ruling families
weren’t enough proof that Democracy was the best choice for a country predominantly
subsistence farmers, and corporate laborers of the lowest possible paid sort. So, for quite a few
years we dumped a million dollars each day (EVERY single DAY) into military operations, blowing
up medical clinics in the cities and dropping huge bombs on people working in self-imposed
slavery in their own fields. These poor people—with no thought whatsoever about either politics
or rebellion—except  in those times when someone came around in uniform and purposefully
rubbed their nose in it—began to wonder if indeed there might be a better way.

For reasons which our government never really understood, such subtle persuasion didn’t drive
Salvadorans in droves directly into the warm embracing arms of Democracy. And, even if it had,
they’d have only found the heavily reinforced tyrants we’d been supporting with cash and arms
for years, dug in, and somewhat resistant to the change.

Eventually these things all work themselves out however and when us foreigners finally do get
elections in place, we’re always shocked at how many votes go toward the other guys; guys who
had no hand in propping up their dictator, and supplied no arms to the suppressive government,
and who refrained from dropping bombs on them relentlessly for years and years and years
while showering them with pamphlets touting freedom.

For the politically minded among you, the real mystery has to be who authorizes these things?
and who do they represent? I would wager almost any amount of money on the fact that no man,
woman, or child in the United States of America would nod and say, "Yeah, keep pumping our
hard earned tax dollars into the coffers of that dictator guy whose name I cannot pronounce in a
country I never even heard of, where the only result is that they hate us all the more. Yeah, do
that. I only wish I could pay more taxes in order to insure the continuation of that noble process."

Even, the politically minded among us must, at some point realize that our guys ain’t selling
democracy so well over there, and over here, they ain’t representing our wishes so well either.
Still—not that I care, and not that I think any of us can do anything about it—but, I kind of wonder
who
does authorize these things, and who are they representing?
                                                                                                                         
Something to think about while pondering Syria and Iran
Something to think about while pondering Syria and Iran